Yesterday I took my Grade 3 guitar exam. I felt I had prepared the best I could but it did not go as well as I predicted. I was betrayed by my body.
I sat down, tuned and began the technical portion of the exam. Then adrenaline kicked in and my heart began to throb in my chest. My fingers began to tremble. As I was executing the requirements, I was trying to calm down and focus on the task but this in itself was a distraction. I slurred a D into a D# on the E major scale. A small thing but indicative of worse things to come.
The arpeggios were worse. I blanked out at the first requested pattern and had a hard time getting it going.
I did okay on the my Carulli study but my fingers were on the verge of breaking into spasms. I held it together. The next study was a disaster. It was one I felt I could play well and very musically. My heart was still pounding. I muffed the first cadence then got mixed up in the form and repeated a section. Near the end, I actually had to stop and restart to get through to the end.
My first repertoire piece was a traditional and I managed to get through it like I did the Carulli study earlier. The second piece I had to restart but settled down a bit until I messed up the ending. The third piece had similar issues.
I did fine on the remainder of the exam because I was only answering questions.
Why does adrenaline have to kick in during these performance exams? Adrenaline helps in sports but on a musical exam it hinders fine muscle controls and distracts from the music. My brain knew there was no logical reason for my body to react the way it did. I was prepared. My life was not at risk. I tried using breathing techniques but they were ineffective. Until I have mastered inner peace I don't think I will ever master music.
